When I started school back in August, I told myself that I was going to do great and would be ready to go right away. I ended up having some real problems finding my groove, and my academic performance reflected that. I did well in most of my coursework, but there were some glaring issues that need to be addressed. I eventually found the balance I needed and started to do better and retain more information, but somehow I was still not achieving to the top of my ability.
I kept getting grades back on exams knowing that I could do better. I know that I can do better, but I just wasn’t showing it. There were times when I would have violent swings in my grades that were completely inexplicable. They still are.
Where did this all stem from? I’m starting to get an idea.
Early this year, I failed an exam for the first time in my life. I was devastated. I didn’t know how to react, and I think I started to view exams as a hurdle as opposed to an assessment. On the exams that I approached as a chance to show what I know, I was doing much better. The times I was falling flat, I found that I allowed myself to feel pressure and I made the exam to be more critical and almost life-threatening.
I’m going to approach second year much differently. I won’t let myself get bogged down in the grind, but rather allow myself to absorb the information and take it to heart. That way, when an exam rolls around, I’m ready to show my best. It’s time to demonstrate who I really am, not who I sadly became.